Phantom
by dbrianne
Summary: He'd ran from Hydra, he'd run far and learned who he was, but they got him... they got us both. Sequel to Appariton.
1. Chapter 1

Betrayal-

to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty:

to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:

to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:

There are numerous ways to define the word, but to me, every single definition related to how I felt. I'd been stuck in a Hydra facility for four weeks, and in the time that I'd barely spoken to the love of my life... Bucky Barnes had betrayed me, and they used our love against us. And as a result Hydra had succeeded in reeling me back in. Forcing me to take my father's place, Alexander Pierce had ruined my past, and now, even with him dead, he was ruining my future. I was now in too deep... I was forced to work for an organization whose main goal was to kill millions. I am now one of the many leaders of Hydra... at the top of the food chain in my division. I had inherited this in the wake of my father's passing, and the amount of control I had was overwhelming. It didn't matter that I was treated better than everyone else, it didn't matter that suddenly I was in control. I knew that Hydra was wrong and that what this place stood for, wasn't something I wanted to be apart of, but if I wanted to destroy Hydra, I'd have to stay. I was going to use all the knowledge they give me against them... I was going to help my friends take down Hydra, and I was going to be the last person anyone suspected...

The air is cold as I stand in the control room. My eyes glance over the numerous maps sprawled out in front of me. I'd stared at these maps for hours on end, in hopes of finding a way to start taking Hydra down. I am all alone, with only my thoughts to keep me company. I hadn't slept in days, and my eyes are red from exhaustion. My fingers drum against the desk top as I lean over the desk, my eyes focusing on the names dotted along the map. I breathe a deep breath.

"Long night?"

His voice breaks me out of my inner thought process. I don't glance back at him, instead I keep my eyes on the map. I wasn't ready to talk to him... not yet.

"Emilia..."

He whispers when I don't respond.

"... You'll have to talk to me eventually."

I sigh, shaking my head in protest.

"James Buchanan Barnes... I have nothing to say to you."

I say this harshly. I was still angry with him, and while I know that none of this was his fault. I couldn't help it... I was still frustrated with him. Hydra had brainwashed him, and through that brainwashing they had conditioned him into doing things against his will. He'd thought that he had control over his actions after S.H.I.E.L.D fell, and my father died, but he didn't. They had conditioned his mind to react to a trigger word, and once he heard this trigger word, he unwillingly led me back to Hydra. Over the last few weeks he'd gotten a bit better, and he was slowly getting more control over himself. Back when my father had been in charge, he'd done what the men before him had done. They'd put him in cryo freeze after they were done with him, but I refused to do that. If I was ever going to give him the freedom of getting his mind back, then I needed to do it through letting him live. His mind has been wiped so many times, and I would not let anyone do that to him again... Not ever. He'd started gaining control over himself again... the control he'd had weeks ago before my accidental use of the trigger word messed with his mind. While I was proud of his strides forward, I still couldn't stand to talk to him. He'd betrayed Captain America, Sam, and Natasha. He'd led us to a situation that could've ended in our deaths... I tense when I feel his hands on my waist, his breath on my neck. When I'd came into my position in Hydra I'd made a big decision. One of my first decisions was to keep the winter soldier close. I'd managed to convince everyone that the romantic relationship between me and Bucky was a positive. That our relationship was the way I got him to do my dirty work. And as a result of my convincing, he was now free to roam the halls, just as the other Hydra members were. He had more freedom than before, we even started sharing a room, but since I didn't seem to sleep anymore I barely went in there.

"Emilia you're tired... come to bed."

His words taunt me, as his close proximity clouds my better judgment. I keep my eyes on the map, trying hard to focus on the paper, and not his lips.

"I can't sleep."

I whisper as his hands draw me in even closer.

"You're avoiding me. Sleep has nothing to do with it."

I clench my jaw as I move my hands to his arms, pushing him away. I turn to face him, my blood shot eyes focusing on him. I hadn't really spoken to him since the night Brock died... since the night I'd told James to kill him. I haven't had the time to tell him how I felt, or how betrayed he'd made me feel.

"I'm avoiding you, because you led me here. Hydra got inside your head and now we're stuck pretending to care about Hydra's next move. You betrayed me, but worst of all you betrayed your best friend. Steve Rodgers is a good man and you hung him out to dry, and I know you didn't mean it, but it's still hard to look at you. It's still hard to even be in the same room as you."

He looks at me, his face not holding any expression. He clenches his jaw.

"I didn't realize I was leading you here. I didn't realize it until it was too late, and I didn't know that Nick Fury's name was a trigger word for me. If I'd known, I would've stopped all of this, but I couldn't. Your father knew you wouldn't want to come back here. He knew that his daughter wouldn't want to take his place, so he fucked with my mind. He forced me to do this, so yes I've done something terrible, but I didn't have a choice. I didn't have any control over any of it."

His face is inches from me, his lips almost brush against mine. There is tension between the two of us, and perhaps it was a good thing that we were airing out our feelings now. Especially when everyone else was gone. I'd sent them away... I hated the other members of Hydra, and they knew it. For some reason they liked that I hated them... they liked that I avoided them, but maybe it was because my old reputation of being ruthless when it came to torture. I finally dare to move my eyes to his, feeling my stomach turn when his blue orbs find my green ones.

"I know you didn't have any control..."

I whimper.

"... It just is what it is James."

He cocks and eyebrow when I say this, his head tilting to the side as his eyes watch me intently.

"Emilia..."

His voice sounds sweet, traces of caution laced in the way he says my name.

"Don't..."

I whimper, tears move to my eyes. I'd been good at keeping my distance, I'd been good at not telling him the full extent of my sadness. The sadness I'd felt because of his betrayal. I couldn't take him being nice to me... I couldn't.

"... Don't say my name like that..."

A tear escapes my eyes, as I turn to face him. Our gazes lock once more, and for the first time in weeks, we actually look at each other.

"... Do you have any idea how mad I am at you? And I don't want to be mad at you... I love you."

He nods.

"I'm mad at me too..."

His tone is much sadder than anything I've ever heard before.

"... I had control, or at least I thought I did... but I didn't. I hate what I've done, what I've had to do. But there's nothing I can do to fix it. It's too late."

He's right, there wasn't anything we could do, and it was too late. So why was I punishing him? Especially when I shouldn't be.

"Bucky..."

I state with a shaky voice. More tears move down my face, and I don't know if it was because of our confrontation or if it was because of the little sleep I'd had.

"... I love you."

I state as I draw him in, pulling his body to mine. His touch felt odd and foreign. The last time we'd really been close he was pointing a gun at me. He awkwardly wraps his arms around me, its like he's afraid he'll hurt me. Hurt me more than he already has.

"I love you too..."

He mumbles against the side of my head.

"... I mean that Emilia... I really do."

He sounds hopeless, and I'm sure he feels that way. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he's going through.

"Now come to bed..."

His voice rasps as he glances over at the maps I'd been looking at.

"... All of this will be here in the morning."

I want to protest, but my exhaustion seems to agree with him. He moves his hands to my face, the pads of his thumbs brush against my skin.

"Bucky..."

I state, my voice wavering. He was right... everything, every bit of this hell would be here in the morning, but that didn't make it any easier. How was I supposed to sleep when I felt like I was going to burst? How was I supposed to sleep when I felt like on edge. Trying to take Hydra down from the inside is a good idea, but if anyone finds out... they'll kill James... and I won't let that happen. I don't care what they do to me, but if anything happened to him... it would kill me in a way a bullet couldn't.

"... I'm scared."

I mutter as if I'm ashamed. I'd never admitted fear before, especially in front of him. His gaze intensifies as he watches me, his eyes gleaming with realization. Ever since we'd arrived here, I'd felt like I wasn't safe, not even with him. Hydra had gotten into his head without him realizing it, what's to stop it from happening again? I felt like I couldn't tell him anything, I felt all alone. He sighs pressing his forehead to mine.

"That's why your on edge isn't it? It's not only because you're afraid of what I can do? It's because you feel like you aren't safe here. You think they're going to hurt you."

I take a deep breath and focus my gaze on his.

"Remember when nothing scared me? I would give anything to be that way again..."

I move my hands over his, guiding them from my face. I hold him close to me before continuing.

"... I'm just really anxious about everything."

He nods.

"Sometimes it's good to have nerves. It means you care about what needs to be done. But I know you Emilia. You can do anything you put your mind to."

I give him a small smile.

"I'll need your help... I can't do this without you."

He uses our entwined hands to pull me in against him. The second my chest touches his, he guides his lips to mine. We hadn't kissed since the night he unwillingly turned on me. It had been weeks, but it felt like years. I found myself re-learning the way his lips molded against mine when we touched. He deepens the kiss, his hands moving from mine, guiding them to my hair. Before we get too caught up in our moment, he breaks the kiss.

"You don't have to do it without me, because I'm not going anywhere. Emilia I will be with you through it all, and I promise to try as hard as I can to not let you down again."

I nod, I no longer care about what happened. I only care about what's happening now. I shrug my shoulders.

"I love you. I love everything about you."

I lean up to kiss him once more. We might be in a place where everything could go wrong at the drop of a hat, but it didn't matter. We were together, and as long as we were together Hydra didn't stand a chance.


	2. Chapter 2

***Seven years ago***  
"The other trainers weren't kidding when they said you'd be resistant."  
I state this simply to the man in front of me. He's strapped to a chair, and it seemed to be the only way to keep him still. His two hands are balled into fists, but the one that caught my eye was his left hand... The metal one. It was our second day together, but he wouldn't say a thing. He just kept his two blue orbs on the ground, avoiding me at all costs. I would've thought, given his reputation, that he'd be tougher... I mean he is the winter soldier. I breathe a deep sigh of annoyance when he still refuses to speak. How was I supposed to train him for hydra if he refused to even look at me. I take a step forward, the heals of my shoes clicking louder and louder with each step I take. Maybe torture wasn't the way to get him to talk... Or maybe it was, if it was the right kind of torture... I move my hands to his, and sit on his lap. His body tenses when I do. He didn't expect me to touch him so softly.  
"Come on soldier... Talk to me..."  
I whisper as sweetly as I can. I guide my left hand from his right, moving it to his face. I gently force him to look from the ground to me.  
"... I just want to talk and then you can go back to your room. You won't have to see me for the rest of the day."  
His chest rises and falls a bit faster than it was before, his eyes locking on me. His eyes are cold and dark, the longer he looks at me the tighter his metal fist clenches under my right hand.  
"You people always go back on your word."  
He practically growls out the words, his lips barely moving as he says it. I nod in agreement, he was right hydra always did what they wanted to.  
"I won't. I promise."  
I murmur as I lean in ever so slightly. His eyes move from mine as he glances down to see how close we are. I feel myself smirk, he hadn't been close to a woman in years probably...  
"You promise?"  
He states as his eyes move to my chest, lingering for a moment.  
"I promise soldier and I always keep my word."  
Shifting his eyes back to mine, he simply nods. I smile as nice as I can, moving the hand still on his face. I brush the pad of my thumb across his cheek bone.  
"How much training do you remember? My father wants me to see if you remember anything."  
He clenches his jaw at the mention of my father... He knew that Alexander pierce was responsible for his newest level of torment.  
"I remember the basics, that's all they let me remember after the last time they wiped my mind."  
I nod, taking in everything he's said. I lean in a bit more, and his eyes move back to my chest.  
"Do you like what you see soldier?..."  
I ask causing him to look back up from them. He looks ashamed, his body tensing even more.  
"... It's okay to look... I mean we're going to be spending a lot of time together..."  
I pause as I place both of my hands on his chest. I lean in and brush my lips against his, giving him a quick peck.  
"... Do you know what positive reinforcement is soldier?"  
I whimper against his lips hoping every touch I give him makes him trust me more. He shakes his head 'no' as confusion enters his eyes.  
"It means that whenever you do something right, you get a reward. I want us to get along, and the only way to do that is for you to listen to me."  
I move my hands from his chest, reaching for my jean pocket. When I feel what I'm looking for I pull it out. A shiny key gleams up at me through the darkness of the room we're in. If I wanted him to trust me, I'd have to do things that warrant trust. I unlock his right hand first, and then unlock his left.  
"I could hurt you."  
He states simply as a grin moves to my face.  
"Oh I know..."  
I state as I guide my lips back to his. This time I'm harsher in my touch, but he returns it with the same intensity. His hands find my waist, the metal of his arm causing a chill to go up my spine.  
"... But I like a bit of pain."  
I rasp in response as his lips claim mine. He was playing along perfectly... Like a good little experiment, everything was going the way I hypothesized.  
"Why are you doing this? What do you want?"  
He asks me this once the kiss was broken, and we both struggle to breathe normally again. He may be stubborn, but he knew how to kiss... They didn't make him forget how to do that.  
"I just wanted to reward you for doing as I asked. For talking to me."  
His eyes search me as though he's trying to figure out what I'm really up to.  
"Did you not like it?..."  
I ask in fake insecurity, my eyes widening.  
"... Should I get someone else to reward you?"  
He breathes a deep breath, his jaw once again clenching.  
"You were fine."  
I sigh studying him. I could tell that I was getting under his skin... I could see it in his eyes, even though he sounded less than enthused. I attempt to get up off of him, but his hands stay on my waist. A part of me feels a twinge of panic when I find that I can't even budge.  
"I thought you had questions."  
He states this as he watches me closely. I sigh.  
"I only ask what I'm told to, and I already did that."  
I whisper through clenched teeth as his grip tightens. If he was going to play like this, then I was going to beat him at his own game. I tilt my head to the side causing my long brown curls to fall in my face. I smirk at him as his face falters... I guide my lips back to his and this time I deepen the kiss after a few seconds earning a groan from him. My hands find their way back to his chest as I push him back in the seat. His back lightly thuds against the leather of the chair. He breaks the kiss, guiding his lips to my neck. It's when he does this that I feel myself get a bit disoriented. Sure, I was playing him, but in the moment I found that a part of me was giving into him more than I wanted to admit.  
"When's the last time you were with a woman soldier?"  
I whimper when his hands move lower on my body. For a man who'd been frozen on and off for the last 70 years, and had endured his fair share of brain zaps, he sure knew what he was doing. He stills his actions, freezing in place as I pull away from him. He looks insecure... I'd hit a nerve. I smile.  
"There's nothing to be ashamed of..."  
I rasp as I move my lips to his neck, he leans his head backing giving me better access to his neck. I give him the most tender kisses I can before whispering in his ear.  
" ... Your are quite the kisser solider. It's almost like your rewarding me."  
I playfully bite down on his exposed neck as my right hand moves down his chest. I trace his body, feeling his torso muscles tense underneath my touch. I stop when I reach his now prominent bulge. I give his neck another kiss as I move to palm him through his pants. His head tilts his head back even more and jaw drops as he groans once again. I kiss his neck a few more times as I tease him, until I feel the need to stop, deciding that the best time to do that, would be when he needs me the most. I rest my head against his shoulder, my forehead pressed up against the metal of his arm. His breathing comes out in huffs as he tries to bring himself down from the high my hand caused.  
"My little soldier... If I didn't know any better, I'd say you enjoyed that."  
I state breathlessly as I lift my head up from his shoulder and our eyes lock, his gaze full of sexual frustration. His hands move from my waist, giving me the chance to move freely.  
"I've dealt with cruel, but you... you're a whole new level."  
He says this in a barely audible whimper. My mouth pulls into a tight line, as I move my hands to the arms if the chair. I use them as I way to push myself up off of him. When I am off of him I stand close to his chair, folding my arms across my chest.  
"Oh my dear... you have no idea how cruel I can be."  
I say this as I glance away from him. I face the exit grinning at the man who is standing there... Brock Rumlow. He looks unhappy with me, but I couldn't blame him. He probably saw the whole show. I sigh walking up to him.  
"I love you."  
I mouth as his gaze intensifies, he nods seeming to understand that I did all of this to get the soldier to talk.  
"Please take the soldier back to his room..."  
I whisper before turning back to look at the man I'd spent the majority of the day with. His eyes are cold and detached... the way they'd been before we'd spoken. I feel my stomach turn as I look at him... suddenly I feel guilty.  
"... I made him a promise and intend to follow through with it."

I gasp as I sit up in bed. I'd remembered it all as though it had just happened... My head is spinning, and my breathing is ragged. The clock on the nightstand read 3:00 am... I'd only been asleep for an hour. I look at the other side of the bed and smile when I see James passed out next to me. He looks so peaceful... nothing like the dream I'd had. After a few seconds of laying there, watching him sleep soundly I pull the blankets back and swing my legs over the side. I am silent as I get out of bed, my heart is racing and laying down isn't helping. I walk out of the room and head to the kitchen. The current Hydra facility we were staying in had apartment residing inside of it, and since I was in charge I got the nicest one. With shaking limbs I move into the kitchen. I feel like I'm going to throw up... my heart continues to race, and sweat clings to my forehead and neck. I needed a distraction, so I decide to make myself coffee. I rest my hands on the counter top after I put my coffee cup underneath my Keurig coffee maker and pop in the cup of coffee I want before pressing brew.  
"The Emilia I remember never got night terrors... no matter what she did."  
My heart stops when I hear that voice... his voice. I turn my head ever so slightly and feel my breathing hitch. How could I hear his voice? He was dead...  
"Brock?"  
I whimper as tears move to my eyes... this couldn't be happening... was I going crazy? He's leaning against the counter top, a smirk etched into his handsome face.  
"Oh honey don't cry..."  
He pauses moving forward. He doesn't move too close to me, but it's close enough to my make the nausea in my stomach grow.  
"... People like us don't have feelings."  
I shake my head in protest.  
"You're wrong."  
A tear escapes my eye, as I look at him. I'd ordered James to kill Brock weeks ago, when I realized that taking down Hydra would never happen if he was alive. And while I was the one who made the call, I'd still felt guilty for killing him. I had loved him back when I was a ruthless Hydra agent... back when we both wanted the same thing, but after he'd left me things changed. We grew apart, but that didn't mean I stopped caring about him.  
"Don't act like you cared... you told your new boyfriend to kill me."  
I bite down on my lip as I watch him.  
"I did what I had to... I need to stop this madness and you would've stopped me. You would've wiped my mind and killed James. You would've wanted Hydra to survive, and I couldn't let that happen. You wanted to kill millions Brock and that's not right."  
He nods, his eyes looking me up and down.  
"I might've wanted to kill millions, but you did your share of killing back when you did what Hydra wanted.. You were one of us, but apparently you've forgotten where you come from. Your daddy made you a member of Hydra when you were only 11 years old, you became the top torturer in this organization by the time you were 16 years old. But then when you met Barnes you got soft... you changed, but it doesn't matter... you've still done terrible things. You killed me..."  
He pauses once he's directly in front of me.  
"... I loved you and you didn't need to change for me. Yes I made mistakes, and said all the wrong things, but you killed me. You're a murderer."  
I close my eyes when he finishes speaking, more tears moving to my eyes. I want to reach out and touch him, to comfort him, but I can't... he's dead and I know he is... this is all in my head.  
"You're not here... this is all in my head."  
He nods.  
"You're right... I'm not here, and I am in your head. And thanks to your new found ability to feel guilt I'm never leaving you."  
My body shakes like it had minutes ago, and I can't help it. My hands ball into fists, and I try to punch him even though I know he's not there. I hit air, but when my hand drops, I knock it off of the counter top. A loud thud erupting after my fist collides with it. I pull my lips into a tight line, in order to hold in my urge to yell in pain. Tears move down my face, but it isn't from the pain in my fist... it's from the hallucination. I sink down to the ground as I hold in a sob.  
"Miss Pierce?"  
A woman states from behind me. I don't wipe away the tears, because I know that voice. I turn my head in the direction of the voice and sigh.  
"Come in..."  
The woman looks like someone I worked with back when I'd first worked for Hydra, she trained with me, and was my best friend... But I knew that the woman in front of me wasn't who everyone thought she was.  
"... You're with me Natasha you can take off the mask."  
When I'd decided to take down Hydra from the inside, I knew I'd need a lot of help. I knew I'd need someone who could fit in here, and relay information to Steve. Natasha was my first choice and thankfully she had a gadget that made her face look completely different. When she had that on she looked like a Hydra agent, the same one I was best friends with. She moves her hands to her face pulling off the digital mask.  
"What's wrong? You look like hell."  
She walks into the kitchen and helps me up off of the floor. She gives me the most concerned face I've ever seen, and it makes me feel weak.  
"I'm seeing things, and I can't sleep. I can't tell James because if I tell him he'll freak out. Or worse somehow the others will find out. I have to be at the top of my game Natasha, and I can't show weakness. But I'm losing it... I just had a ten minute conversation with agent Rumlow, and he's been dead for a month."  
I say it all really fast, my mouth moving so fast that she has to take a second to really digest what I said. Her brow furrows as she watches me.  
"Emilia... breathe. It will be okay."  
I run my hands through my hair as I breathe a deep breath.  
"I feel like I'm going to burst."  
She puts her hands on my shoulders.  
"You're stressed out, but it will be okay. You are stronger than you know."  
I breathe in and out a few times, trying to calm myself down. Her faith in me, meant a lot, but I still felt like I was going to break at any second. She looks like she wants to say something else, but when the sound of someone walking down the hall is heard, she grabs her digital mask. She puts it back on and takes a step back. Her posture straightens as she looks at me, her new face giving me a stern look.  
James didn't know about Natasha being here... he couldn't know.  
"Yes, Ms. Pierce..."  
Natasha whispers when James walks into the kitchen.  
"... I'll get right on that. Goodnight Ms. Pierce..."  
She pauses as she turns to walk out of the room. She looks at James and bows her head.  
"... Goodnight soldier."  
She leaves us, and James glares after her. He hated all Hydra members, except for me. He clenches his jaw as he turns to look at me. I can tell that he's angry with me... He thinks I got up in the middle of the night to work, but the reality of it was, I just couldn't sleep.  
"Don't start with me."  
I state as I turn back to my coffee... I wasn't in the mood for a fight.  
"Emilia. Despite what you think, you are human and you need to rest."  
I move to the fridge grabbing the creamer I want to put into my coffee, and shrug my shoulders. I knew I was human, and I knew that I needed rest, but how could I get it? I am so scared that I can't even sleep... How do I sleep when all I can see are hallucinations?  
"Emilia... there's something you aren't telling me."  
I take a sip of my coffee and sigh, putting the creamer on the counter.  
"I'm fine."  
I state through clenched teeth as I turn to face him. He's closer than he was before, his eyes narrowed as he watches me.  
"You woke up gasping for air. Something is wrong... and you're going to tell me or I'll make you tell me."  
I narrow my eyes and put my coffee cup on the counter.  
"Are you threatening me?"  
I ask as he nods. He lifts his metal hand up, wrapping his hand around my neck. It doesn't hurt, it's just cold on my skin.  
"I'll get you to talk."  
He whispers as he pulls me in, his lips moving to mine. My eyes flutter closed as we kiss, the tension between us only adding fuel to the fire.  
"Are you going to use my own tactics against me?"  
I moan when he pushes me up against the counter top, his lips moving to my throat.  
"Tell me what's wrong."  
He groans as he guides us to stand chest to chest. I look up at him and shrug my shoulders.  
"Nothing is wrong... I'm just stressed out."  
He shakes his head in protest, he sees right through me. He guides his other hand to the bottom of my nightgown, lifting the fabric ever so slightly. He leaves chills in the wake of his touch, and he can see the impact he has on me. I look away from him when he smirks, if we continued at this rate I would be putty in his hands.  
"James... stop."  
I whimper before looking away. He wraps the metal of his left hand around my jaw, forcing me to look at him. There is rage in his blue eyes, and I hate it because I know that it's my fault it's there.  
"You want to take down Hydra? We'll need to work together and the only way to do that is through us communicating. I get that you don't trust me like you used to, but you have to talk to me. I know you, and I know when something is bugging you."  
I feel the tears I'd cried minutes ago, a lump in my throat forming.  
"I'm losing my mind..."  
I state breathlessly. He was right... I needed to tell him what was going on, even if I was afraid to. How could I expect us to have a healthy relationship if we didn't talk about the things that were bugging us?  
"... I'm afraid and on edge. Whenever I try to sleep I have nightmares of what I used to be... and then tonight... I saw Brock. I'm hallucinating people Bucky... I'm losing my mind. It's some strange from of PTSD, and I don't know what to do."  
His eyes widen when I tell him this. He moves his hands to my face guiding me to look at him.  
"I have that too..."  
He whispers as he breathes a deep sigh.  
"... But we can get through this."  
I nod as he pulls me in against him, wrapping me in an embrace. His touch is comfortable and inviting, and for the first time in weeks I felt safe. But when I look at the wall across from us, I feel my stomach turn. I hold James tighter as I lock eyes with someone I never thought I'd hallucinate... My father...  
Alexander Pierce.


	3. Chapter 3

Haunted-

1\. preoccupied, as with an emotion, memory, or idea

2\. inhabited or frequented by ghosts

My stomach turns, and my grip on him tightens. I pull James closer to me, and nuzzle my head against his shoulder. I close my eyes, praying that the image before me fades away... having PTSD wasn't something I'd ever thought I would have, but after seeing the things I've seen and doing the things I've done, it really shouldn't come as a surprise that I would experience this. I take a few deep breaths as James runs his metal fingers through my hair.

"You're safe..."

He whispers, pressing his lips to the side of my head.

"... You're here with me. No one is going to hurt you, I won't let them."

His voice is soothing and soft. We breathe in unison as we hold each other for several more minutes. I nuzzle my head against his shoulder once more breathing him in. Here in his arms, I'd never felt more at ease... Suddenly any fear that I'd had was slowly fading away.

"I love you."

I whisper as I open my eyes, looking back to where I'd seen the hallucination of my father. When I see that he's no longer standing there, I feel my mind ease further.

"I love you too, now come to bed, and I'll take care of you."

When I don't verbally respond, he bends down to pick me up. He carries me as if I'm a bride on her honeymoon, my arms wrapped around his shoulders. He guides us through our little apartment, carefully making sure I'm safe and secure against him.

"You don't have to do this... I have to be up in a few hours anyway for work."

He rolls his eyes playfully before glancing down at me.

"You're in charge of this facility, if you want to sleep in, you can. Why don't you just have your assistant help you? You need to rest Emilia."

I did need rest, but I also needed to keep up with appearances. I couldn't show the weaknesses I was feeling. He makes the appropriate turns until we reach our bedroom. He places me down on the bed softly, my back pressing up against the soft red comforter. He sits down next to me, kissing my forehead.

"You go to sleep and I'll be right here. I promise I won't go anywhere."

I sigh glancing over at him.

"Lay with me Mr. Barnes..."

I turn to lay on my side, resting in our unmade bed.. I breathe a deep breath before looking at him.

"...Please."

I can feel the sympathy that flickers in his eyes, without even looking at him. He's never heard me sound so desperate. He lays down next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. When I first met Bucky Barnes and was assigned to him, I'd never imagined we'd end up like this. I never thought I'd be able to lay with him and be safe. With all of the anxiety I was feeling in working for Hydra, it felt nice to have him this close to me without fear of someone hurting him. His arm tightens around my waist as I snuggle closer to him.

"Thank you for being here with me. Tonight was awful, and it means a lot to have you next to me."

He hums in response before kissing the back of my head.

"I'll be here for you, for everything, and I do mean everything."

I close my eyes when he says this, feeling content when he says this.

"I love you a lot James Barnes... Really I do."

He lifts the blankets up around us, adding to the warmth his body was already giving off.

"I love you too. Now sleep, alright? You need it. I'm amazed you haven't lost your mind yet."

I was too, if I was being honest. I was surprised that I hadn't lost my mind after weeks with little to no sleep. I don't know how I've managed to keep everyone in line, and act like a Hydra member. I'd been acting this whole time, but thanks to Natasha being under cover, I hadn't blown my true intentions yet. Being in charge of Hydra when I wanted to take it down was harder than one would think. I needed to make sure I had all my ducks in a row before I could take this place down...

He pulls me in a bit closer to him, kissing my cheek. Feeling his gentle caress made chills go up my spine. When we'd first met we weren't allowed to be this close for more than a second, we weren't allowed special moments with each other. I remembered how he was before, I remembered that machine they made him be. The machine I'd made him be, I trained him, tortured him, and hurt him. Just thinking about what I'd done to him, made my stomach turn, hints of nausea filling me. I shutter to think of what I used to be... and what I used to do.

"I'm sorry..."

I whisper after several seconds of reminiscing in the horrors of my past.

"... For how I treated you all those years ago. I'm sorry for everything."

He chuckles moving his right hand to my face, guiding me to look at him.

"That was seven years ago Emilia. It's okay."

My eyes drift from his, gazing at his jaw instead. I couldn't look him in the eye after remembering how I'd treated him seven years ago... The dream I had was a reminder of who I was. It was difficult to be near him when I know that I'd tortured him for so long.

"Do you ever just wish that we were normal? That you'd fought in the war and then went home, you could've gotten married to a nice girl. You could've settled down and had kids, but the people of Hydra messed it up. They ruined your life and you deserved so much more..."

My voice waivers and tears move to my eyes, a lump in my throat starting to form. He did deserve so much more than this.

"... I could let you go. Now that I'm in charge... I could free you. You could go off and do the things you dreamed of doing. You don't have to stay with me anymore... James you could finally have the life you deserve."

He forces me to look at him, his right hand wrapping around my jaw. He forces me to look at him, his brow is furrowed, and his lips are pulled into a tight line of disapproval.

"Emilia, I'm not going anywhere. That life wasn't meant for me and there isn't anyone else I'd like to be with. You're the one I love, and while Hydra hasn't been the highlight of my life, I wouldn't change a thing. If I didn't go through this hell then I wouldn't have met you."

I feel my heart beat a bit faster when he says this. To hear him tell me that even with the awful things he'd been put through, that somehow I was worth it to him, that I had become the silver lining through it all. I lean in and press my lips to his without saying a word. As we kiss I slowly turn my body to face his, the tension between us starting to build. His chest rises and falls against mine, as he deepens the kiss, his hands moving along my body. The hairs on my neck stand on edge, when his hands move to the strap of my nightdress brushing the left strap down passed my shoulder.

"I couldn't imagine living without you again Emilia..."

He rasps the words against my lips before turning his attention to my neck. Tender kisses are placed on my pulse point, as his fingertips graze my arms lightly.

"...Death would've been kinder, Emilia the pain of losing you was like nothing I'd ever felt before..."

His mouth descends down my neck, until he reaches my chest. He pulls my other strap down, and guides the fabric to cascade along my body, drifting lower and lower.

"... I refuse to leave you again."

My chest becomes bare to him as he drags the dress off my body, pulling the silk cloth along my legs until I kick it the rest of the way off. His eyes study me intently as he scans over my silhouette. He lightly presses my body back in our bed so he can straddle me. He gives me a warm smile, his gaze seeming to be content with our current arrangement. My breathing hitches in my throat as he pulls his shirt up over his head, unveiling his toned stomach. Since we'd come to this Hydra facility, we'd both been training non stop, and as a result we'd both toned up a bit, not that he'd ever lost the abs that were currently in front of me. Leaning forward, he kisses me once more, his hands moving up my thighs. He stops when he reaches the only thing I'm wearing; my underwear. I freeze when his fingers brush passed the fabric, our gazes locking on each other.

"Don't ask me to leave you, don't tell me I deserve more, because I'm lucky to have you. I'm lucky that you're here now, and regardless of our past, this is where we are now..."

He pauses, his fingers toying with me.

"... And I like where we are now."

I bite down on the bottom of my lip, his fingers start to tortuously drive me into bliss. My eyes flutter shut as my stomach clenches and I start to come undone.

"Of course you like where we are now."

I whimper when his fingers move away from me when I need his touch most. He pulls my underwear down my legs in the same way he'd done with my nightdress. He chuckles as he stands up from our bed, smirking over at me, he mentally seems to note the sweat that had began to form on my forehead.

"I remember when I first met you..."

He states with hints of lust in his voice.

"... Prettiest Hydra member I'd ever seen. You were 18 years old, and while your face looked innocent, your eyes told a completely different story..."

His hands move to his black sweat pants, pulling them down off of his body, leaving him in only his boxers.

"... You were a tease. It drove me nuts, because you were so lovely, even in your cruelest moments. I hated being attracted to you, because I knew that I shouldn't have been... I knew I should've despised you, but I just couldn't..."

He now turns his attention to his boxers, ridding himself of them. My eyes drift as I take him in, all of him. I've never seen someone so handsome in my life... Not ever.

"... And now I have you here, and you are so much more than I ever thought you could be. I never thought I'd have a chance with you."

He moves back to bed, his naked body descending down onto mine. I lock eyes with him and smile.

"You're perfect James Buchanan Barnes, every piece of you."

He shakes his head in protest, his lips moving back to mine. He's slower when he kisses me this time, savoring our every touch. We hadn't slept together since our first night in Russia, back when I didn't remember our past. Ever since then we'd shared moments, but nothing like this. We didn't have time for sex, we were too busy trying to take down our demons. He guides himself to me, making our body's one. When he thrusts forward, I moan in response, my head falling back against the pillow.

"The only person who's perfect, is you."

He groans as his head buries against my neck, resting in the crook as his body moves with mine in perfect rhythm. The room is silent after he finishes speaking, and while I wanted to protest and tell him that he's perfect, I find that I'm too focused on the task at hand to speak. The only sound that I do make is a faint moan as his body moves against mine at a pace that makes my breathing ragged. I move my hips to match his thrusts, causing him to chuckle darkly as he pulls back to look at me. He studies my face the way he'd done earlier, this time his gaze intensifies when he sees the lust in my eyes.

"If I didn't know any better my little agent, I'd say you're enjoying this."

He groans as he finishes off, and I feel myself reach my boiling point.

"You have no idea soldier."

I whisper as we finish, and he pulls out, lying next to me on the bed. He guides my body against his as we lay there trying to catch our breaths.

"If this was your idea of taking care of me, then I have no complaints."

He'd managed to exhaust me, and now any fear or anxiety I was feeling, is gone. I glance over at him, catching his smile. He pulls the blankets up around our bare bodies and kisses my forehead.

"Goodnight Emilia..."

He rasps. My eyes feel heavy all of a sudden and I'm tired. He mumbles one last thing before I lose consciousness.

"Я люблю тебя"


End file.
